The Doctor? On Friday?

And no… I really wish I meant The Doctor from Doctor Who. I mean the Doctor and I get to see every year. The doctor who is gonna give me a big hug and then tell me to strip down to my underwear and socks. And then hand me this huge paper gown that’s just going to rip as I put it on. The doctor who is going to take me to the wall with the measuring thing to see how much I’ve grown. And take me a few more steps down the hall to the scale, where I’ll stand in front of my mom and sister as my doctor fiddles with the scale and seals my fate. She read my weight out loud and then walk me back into the room. And she’ll tell me how much weight I’ve gained in the past year.

Well guess what… I ALREADY KNOWWW! I DON’T NEED YOU TO TELL MY FAMILY THAT I’VE GAINED MORE THAN 15 POUNDS THIS YEAR!

I used to be skinny as a twig. Literally, I had no fat. It was all sharp lines and edges. I wasn’t even athletic, I’m still not. And in the past two years that I’ve been in high school, I think I have gained more that 20 lbs. It’s terrible. I’m not fat but imagine having a whole family that is super skinny and you’re the only one who’s not. My mom  even “advises” what foods I shouldn’t eat. Imagine being Hispanic and having to being limited from the rice. It’s a tragedy. And let’s not even add the fact that my entire Hispanic family just judges everything down to how i’m not as skinny as the rest of my family and that I’m probably not a size 0 anymore. Which I’m obviously not but who the heck needs to care about that.

Usually I don’t care about all of this, but this doctor’s visit is coming on Friday and I’m so anxious for it. I’ve been working out everyday for the past month (of course with the weekly rest days) and I’ve been avoiding the really sugary desserts and all the carbs. But I don’t want to become obsessive with all this either. So the occasional dessert is definitely allowed because I LOVE ICE CREAM SO DAMN MUCH. But let’s just hope that the doctor’s visit goes well because I don’t need any more of this negativity and anxiety in my life right now or ever for that matter. Good luck to me

-River

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